Only way to describe it: HOLY MOLY.

As you were arriving into the city you felt this overwhelming feeling of excitement, sadness, and energy.  You first see neighborhoods that are livable yet their next door neighbors houses are still boarded up from 5 years ago.

Our weekend in NOLA was the 5 years anniversary of Katrina and the first pre-game of the Saints.  So, amazing energy was the least I could feel.

Let me back track……………..

We left my house about 5am….. maybe a bit earlier.  I drove the first 6 hours as the girls were sleeping after a night of working and it was peaceful to drive in the dark.  No traffic or bright sun in my eyes.  When Amanda and I swapped I sat in the passenger seat as Katie slept the whole 10+hours and when we arrived at the hotel we dropped our stuff off and went for NOLA food.

On Burbon St. we ate and I soaked in the street.  Young children to guys in their 20s tap dancing on the street with crushed cans as their music.  A damp old liquor box as a tip jar and loose change sprawled through it as the tourists passed by and emptied their pockets.  The streets smelled of delicious foods and occasionally you would catch a waft of sour vinegar and bum piss but it was soon overtaken by that cajun food again.

Later that night when the girls were getting ready for work I was meeting up with a friend of a friend of a friend.  I met him in the girls club and to my surprise he was nothing that I thought of.  I was picturing a young gentleman and I met a 7ft tall 50 year old extremely educated man.
Our night started off by slow conversations, How do you know the girls, how often have you been here, whats your favorite color?  That type of thing….
Anyhow we stumbled upon a bar he had never been at in the 10 years he had gone there and one of his favorite bands was playing.  Mind you he is from St. Pete and he has seen this band at Skippers Smoke House so to see them in their home town was quite exciting.
They were call the Iguanas.

I saw a drink on the menu that was on a list of things to do from a GF and I had to order it.

I had a Sazerac.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sazerac

The waitress told me it was a “mans” drink but I didnt care.  I was in a new place and wanted to try new things…. it wasnt like I was sticking a heroin needle in my arm.
Well, it WAS a “mans” drink.  It took me awhile to sip on and it made me a bit tipsy….. WHEW!

After that we walked up and down the street and enjoyed each others company.  We discussed how the “hand grenade” was also the drink of NOLA and Bert had never had one….. SO I naturally offered to buy us one since I of course never had one either…
After purchasing one we went on the hunt for gum to bring back to the ladies at the club.  In the process we found “pimp hats”.  I got  a pink leopard one and he got a fuzzy black one…. SCORE.
We fit right in.
We had falafel pitas, went to the Deja Vu and HUSTLER strip clubs and had a fabulous night.

They next day, a bit hungover, I walked to “Cafe Du Monde” after buying an umbrella to keep dry from the pouring rain.  I took photos along the way and then soon Amanda joined me for the infamous beignets and coffee.

Shortly after we had the buffet lunch with Bert and Carlee who were staying at the Casino, Harrah’s and it was SO good!

Later the night I walked the girls to the club and hung out with their upstairs bartender, “Froggy”.  Katie and I did his specialty shot the “BACKDRAFT”.  It was GrandMa in a small goblet lit on fire- after 3 seconds put your hand flat on it so the flame goes out and it suction cups to your hand…. you lift your hand up a bit to suck the fumes out, take the shot and suck the fumes out again….
HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY MOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY.

I met up with Bert about 2:30am at HUSTLER and we hung for a bit and I was on my way back to the hotel.  On my way out I met two guys, one who was wasted and the other who was his brother who was completely sober taking care of him.  I said I will give you my 25.00 HUSTLER arm band if you walk me to my hotel and buy me a drink (after we chatted for a bit to make sure they were “trustworthy”) Any how, we hung for about an hour over a monster beer and I was walked to the hotel.  I sat outside to finish my beer where I met some homeless guys and a local whos birthday it was and I was told stories about Katrina.  Talk about EMOTIONAL.  WOW. WOW. WOW. is all I can say.

We left the next day around 1pm and after 11 long hours in the car of Amanda nonstop talking (i love you amanda) we finally made it home.

I CANNOT WAIT to go back and explore the city more.  It was stunning, breath taking, emotional, spiritual, alive, and one of a kind.

NOLA is a place people need to experience MANY times.  Im glad I have an amazing opportunity to go there at least once a month.

JOB- I got a job!  WHOOT!  Not for 2 months though.  It is at MOJO Books and Music, they are moving into a bigger location with a cafe.
So, I have more time to rack up my debt, yay.  BUT, at least I have something lined up.

BRETTS BDAY- What a bitter sweet day…….
We woke up late, missed going out on the boat with his Dad and our friend Mitch came over to join us for lunch at First Choice.  The BEST BBQ in Tampa where convicts are cooking their souls out.  So delicious….. after that we went too the pool and enjoyed the day of sunshine.  Brett and Mitch played Frisbee  and I floated in the shade so I didnt get more sunburnt from the last Sunday at the beach.  In the evening we went to my favorite bar in Ybor, New World Brewery.  What a great night with friends!  I actually drove to Hyde Park that night as Melinda was down there with friends and wasnt feeling well.  We rode back to Ybor and she took my car to Brooksville so she could be in the comfort of her own home.  Yes, Im an awesome sissy.  I love her too much to have her be stuck and miserable.  Around 4:30am we came on the patio as a friend was going to enjoy an end of the night smoke and finish up our PBR tall boys and I called Mami cat…. she had been laying in the same spot all day.  Her spot.  She didnt move.  I took a step towards her and stopped myself….. Brett wasnt out on the patio yet so I open the door in panic and yelled for him.  She had passed away sometime during the day.  It was weird because all day I had said something smelled like bad fruit so I wonder if it was her- or maybe she got bitten by something and there was a wound that was infected that I didnt see.  She did run out 2 nights before.  Maybe she tried to escape to die on her own like many cats like to do.  Any how, it was not what a somewhat drunk person should deal with.  I was devastated.  Brett and Mike took her away as I had a moment to reflect on what happened.
Fuck, I miss her.  She was so great, but she lived a very spoiled life and was a wonderful companion.  She is very missed and I hold my Mami Mami dear to my heart.

SCHOOL- Started today.  6pm-9pm is A LONG CLASS.  Holy jesus.  Its going to be quite boring and so damn hard to concentrate but I have to do this is finally graduate.  I cannot stop daydreaming in class and that is why in past courses I have done poorly.  Psychology was clearly the WRONG decision.  Thank you HHS for making me choose my life’s path when I was just barely 18.  Anyhow, the professor is VERY knowledgeable and gentle on the eyes so it will be okay.

WEEKEND- What I am SSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO excited about.  I am going to NOLA for the weekend!  Holy moly am I excited!  It has been years that I have urned to go on a trip and it is finally falling into my lap.  Literally.  Two of my girlfriends are going up there to dance for the weekend and they have asked me to join.  The last time they went up there I babysat the dog while they were gone but they had someone else to drive with.  One of the girls doesnt have a license so to make it easier on my gf I was asked to go with to split the driving time.  Free trip to NOLA.  Cant pass it up.  Im getting paid to join and Brett is going to watch the dog.  Ill have hotel taken care of and going out money provided.  I am SO blessed to have this opp presented too me.
I want to go on a ghost tour and take lots of photos, do a Katrina tour and maybe help out for a day, and breath in the smells of all of the good food, people, and culture.
Everyone has told me I will not want to leave and once Im home immediately move back.  Well, the good thing is that my gfs will be going on this trip about twice a month SO I have plenty of opps to see the city!  I know I will want to do so much but I need to remember I am there to MAKE money, not spend it.  In the future when I am working I will be able to spend some and actually really take in the majestic town.

I dont know how I will be able to sleep as we are leaving at like 5am Friday morning.  I am planning on taking Tylenol PM around 6pm or a bit later so I can get a full night of sleep.  I will be refreshed for the drive to NOLA and then have the whole day ahead of me to walk around the city.  I cant wait.  Since I will be getting up early I can go to bed at a decent time and have ALL of Saturday too myself and then experience the night life Saturday.  Sunday we will leave after check out and be home in the evening where I will return to my night and shining armor, my Hobbit.

Well, that was another recap.  I need to start posting pics on my blog but Im still pretty damn lazy about it….. and as I said, no one reads this anyways.

Cheers.

Saturday I got to hang with my big Schuman and Jeff.  We had lunch and drinks, attempted to go on the boat but the river was overrun with foliage.  We saw 3 generations of boys and the grandson (5 yrs) had a PowerWheel Jeep, with a little boat trailer and a mini speed boat on it.  Practicing backing it down the boat ramp.  What a sight to see.  I cannot wait to get the pic from my friend so I can post it.

When we got back from our boating attempt we listened to some beatboxing videos (AMAZING!) and then headed out to our girlfriend Jen’s house where there were a handful friends awaiting our company.

What a fun night.  Great conversations and laughs with greater people.

Had a sleepover with 3 girls and a dog in a tempurpedic bed and snoozed like a baby.

Woke up in the morning, had some coffee and Julius and I headed to the house so I could get ready for the beach!

Brett stayed in bed, like I figured but whatever- Whats another day off we dont spend together…. just at it to the list.

Car sickness/hangover kicked in while heading from Wesley Chapel.  Holy hell, I havent felt like this in FOREVER- nor did I feel bad when I woke up.  I think it was the heat, motion, coffee, and ginger ale I had mixing up in my empty stomach.  I almost stayed home but sucked it up and after a few close calls of puking made it to Treasure Island.

Julius and I got there an hour before everyone else and enjoyed the little sun that was out playing.  After eating a left over bean, potato, cheese burrito around 3pm I started feeling my normal perky self.

Clouds rolled in…… we watched a distant sail boat disappear and be engulfed with a furious mother-nature.  Grabbed our things at the same time a 40 mph wind whipped and hurled skin slashing sand at us.

An hour in the car and hiding from this mini hurricane us 6 emerged into the chilly drizzling rain.

The waves were crashing around us and we obtained a small boogie board.  Who wouldnt be stoked about that mix?  Boogie boarding and jumping every 5 seconds to avoid being plummeted into the churning angry waters.  Every so often a joke would be made about shark week and my anxiety would rise a bit and I would grip harder on the board.

The dark clouds hovered all night with an occasional clap of thunder or strike of lightning in the distance as people with tents and musical instruments started trickling on the beach.

It was almost time for the drum circle.  The last circle I went too there were about 300 energy filled spirits- this time it wasnt as large but the energy was just as great.  What an uplifting feeling I finally had beating through my body, blood, mind, and soul.  The sound of beating drums along with the heavy thuds of my pumping heart pushing all of my emotions through my veins.

Those moments it was me and the music.  My feet pounding on the cool damp sand.  My hands above my head pulling in the energy of the air.  Magic.

Not a worry or care- I was in the music and no longer on this planet.

After all was done we had breakfast at the awful waffle and heading back to Tampa to our normal lives.

I get home and the house is empty.  Typical.  Im sure Brett was at the Top.  After a much needed shower to get the 400lbs of sand out of my ass crack my limp body falls on the bed- I am TIRED.  I was thinking how bad my legs were going to hurt today (yes they are SORE!).  Brett gets home- tension as always and this time I am on the couch.  Id rather just sleep by myself- don’t touch me and dont look at me.  This is day what in a row that we are in separate rooms?  Wow.

Today was back to reality.  Monday, no job.  Brett working and me at the house wondering how the fuck I got in such a rut.

I’ve had 2 breakdowns already and so to calm myself I write.  Writing moves the metal knife off my throat.  (No people, I’m not suicidal- I’m not that selfish nor ballsy)

Brett left by slamming the door and occasionally we text each other.  He just asked what I was doing- I said writing as my therapy…. his response was, “I wish I knew”.  Well, maybe if you asked then you would fucking know how I handle stress.  I think we have both given up.  Neither of us are happy.  We have grown so tired of misunderstanding each other, it is sad.

The ups and downs of an over emotional roller coaster are so draining.  I’m ready to get off.  I’m so tired of feeling like this.

I did good for about 2 days of a nice schedule.  Now, back to where I was.  I need stronger sleeping pills.  Something that wont make me sleep until the afternoon but knock me out within 30 minutes of take it.

Ive tried everything.

I spoke to someone who worked at the club I was at tonight and boy has so much changed.  Seems like the seams are falling apart.  Guess it is karma paying back where it is due.  Not only from what was done to me but everything else that has happened to others.

Is it bad that it makes me smile knowing God is taking a big shit on him?  Not one bit.  It saddens me that my friends are suffering but they are all great people and can move on to better things.  Especially the dancers, they deserve MUCH better.  The ones I grew a relationship with are such great girls, they deserve nothing but the best.

Ive been watching a program of a girl who was born with no face.
HOLY JESUS!  She is absolutely horrid looking.  THOUGH, she is amazing, strong, beautiful, and a miracle.  In the past 5 years she has had 29 procedures.  I cannot fathom going through that as a 5 year old or as a parent.  She can hear and cannot “speak”, so the parents have taught her ASL.  What a beautiful language.  The parents probably never would have thought they would have to learn another language nor her older sister but they have and it is a great heart warming story.

I think most people would be disgusted but to see the love the family has is amazing.

It is a shame that so many other families live in pain……

I have looked EVERYDAY for hours upon hours at every site I could come across.   Applied at everything I could apply too and have gotten 3 responses back.  ALL SCAMS.  Seriously?  You are fucking kidding me, right?  Not at all.

The only place I didnt apply too was Starbucks because I can honestly say I hate everything about them.
-robots- they are trained robots.  the use such a strict form to follow its sickening.
-coffee-bottom of the barrel gross.  ive had better instant.
-corporation- EVIL.  killed mom and pop places, like my beloved Bunker.
-system- timers going off every 15 minutes, 30 minutes, etc- JUST DO YOUR FUCKING JOB IDIOTS!
-machines- dont use REAL espresso machines.  RIP Baristas.

Now that I got that out……..

I got to my parents house after a long trip on the car with my Grandmother (whom I adore) and her evil smelly dog.  After maybe an hour, like always, 2 against 1 of the daughters.  This time it was me against my older sisters.  With others chiming in from time to time.

Anyhow, it elevated with the “starbucks argurment”.

Needless to say, I stormed out due to be getting ready to explode and saying VERY mean things which I knew would be hurtful and that I probably didnt mean, or did mean but would never say.   Anyhow, I felt belittled, I felt like I was made to feel ashamed, I felt embarrassed that this happened in front of family that I RARELY see.  It was inappropriate, rude, and over all fucked up.

My father, my hero, my world was the ONLY one to tried to stop me and apologize.  Oh yeah, Fuck you Jen and Mel for the heartfelt apology I got.  Might as well call them RANDI!

As for now, Im done with those two.  I have nothing to say nor really care too.  Maybe that makes me like a Randi but I honestly feel like, “FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!”.

BACK ON SUBJECT!  I get home and to make everyone happy I apply at Starbucks.  More than one position.  HAPPY EVERYONE?  I applied at starbucks.  Its a miracle!  Well, I woke up the next day and I get a “At this time, we do not have a match for your specific skills and experience, however; we would like to introduce you to an alliance of companies who may be looking for your skills.”

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA- SHIT ON YOU STARBUCKS.  I have 8 years experience, and 3 total of manager work.

There you go my dear family, I applied at starbucks… Now refer to my blog ” get of my _____, ______”.

Yesterday I hunted from noon to 11pm
Today from 1-now (which im just taking a break).

Women at the “Naughty but Nice” car wash on Hwy 301 wash cars in bikinis.

The women say they aren’t revealing anything more than you’d see at the beach but some drivers find it offensive.

“You don’t want your kids exposed to that type of life,” said driver Heather Hartman. “No, I don’t want my kids seeing it.”

The women also say they only wash cars and men that come looking for more are asked to leave.

Owner Victor Perez said he makes sure the girls aren’t getting harassed.

“There was a guy that came here giving $10 to girls to throw water and stuff- I stopped that,” he said. “This is a car wash not a trick.”

While some may think it’s a little too risque, employee Asley Alston said it’s an honest way to make a living.

“I would rather be out here in the hot sun than swinging on a pole any day,” Alston said.

A spokesperson with Hillsborough County government said as long as the business is in a properly zoned area, it isn’t violating any rules.”

Seriously?!?!??!?!?! Its a fucking god damned bikini! You think that is offensive?!?!
What about taking your rugrat to the beach, Adventure Island, the local community pool. That offensive, risque, and being exposed to a “life style” too? What a bunch of ignorant, clueless, idiotic fucks.

These woman are making an honest living while the rest of Florida is milking the unemployment system. It is 100 degrees outside, kudos for them even working in the heat! They are day laborers, doing the shit YOU dont want to do. Free tanning!! Getting ogled at like they normally would at the beach or any like setting, but getting paid, legally.
One could easily get a job in a strip club in wonderful 72 degrees but doing drugs, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, and getting paid to suck dick and fuck random creepy old men in the VIP room. If they dont do that at first, they will. Ive seen it first hand.
I am blown away that THIS is making the news. It had a longer slot than the clip of the local officer SHOT did.

GOOD JOB TAMPA BAY!!!!

Wow.  So much has happened that I have not written about.

Lets do a short catch up and then more details where they belong..

June 25th I was asked, “On Sunday, do you want to work VIP or Door Shift?”, by my boss.
(For those of you who dont know, Ive been working at a club for a bit- NO MORE UNEMPLOYMENT!!)

Robin: “What do you mean, I told you I am unable to work Sundays.  Between school and work it is my only day off to work on school, run errands, spend time with family, and the only day Brett and I have off together”

Boss: “Well, I guess I will be cutting your shifts.”

I walked outside cooled off and continued to get harassed by rude comments.

July, 3rd- My boss threw some little soaps a gf made for me to give the dancers since she is setting up a new business away (well, slammed them into the trash) while saying, “I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SHIT!”

July 4th- Fired at 9:30am via text.  ”Last night was your last night”

SO- I am back to being unemployed.  Just cannot collect unemployment again.  Fuck.

I was looking for weeks before and now weeks after with NO luck.
Where the fuck are all of the jobs at in Florida?!??!!

This is so horrible.

On a lighter note, I found out I only need ONE MORE CLASS TO GRADUATE!!  Holy Jesus, FINALLY!  I graduated in 2003  and 7 years later I will finally have my BA.  I know people younger than me that are almost done with Law School or others that are done with Grad School.  But guess what kids, its MY turn.  I cannot wait to walk across that stage, for my parents.

They are the ones who have pushed me to complete and have done more than support me.  What would I do without them?  I am the luckiest gal ever.

Though, the one class I need is completely full so I need to just sit is.  Which is putting a damper on job hunting.  Do I get a 9-5 and hope I can get an hour or so off for my class or get a night job again?

IDK.

I seem to be getting out of my funk a bit by painting.
I painted the living room 3 different colors and it turned out AMAZING!  I did a charcol purple, steel, and a deep purple.  It looks slendid!  So beautiful and relaxing.  This weekend I am going to Orlando to house sit for my sister WHILE SHE IS IN PUERTO RICO! and then Sunday I get my new/used couch delivered.

Last night I let everything out to my more than patient boyfriend and cried myself to sleep.

The days and nights have become so tough but I hold my head high and plow forward like the crazy stubborn bitch I am.

Tonight at work made things a bit worse and I am on the line of getting fired due to me having a back bone or me walking out the door due to me having a back bone.

I’ll be damned if I let someone treat me like shit. If it were anyone else and knowing my temper I would have already beaten the bloody pulp out of them. But, I am trying to be the grown up Robin and not be “scrappy doo” as my sisters call me. Thank you girls for the nickname. Thank you Grandma for the fire in me. Any who, tonight was horrid and I sit back and think, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING???

The point of “Breaking Point #2″ (and shame on you if you havent read #1) is to thank you all who have been there.

My friends and family are so amazing and I cannot even begin to think how I have deserved this much. With out you guys I would be LOST. The amount of support I get is untouchable. The hours of listening time, the tears you wipe up for me, the jokes thrown out there to make me smile, the bottles of wine given too me (Thanks Billiam!), and the hugs, shoulders, talks, and love I get is beyond anything I have ever expected.
I am SO blessed. I am SO lucky. I am SO honored to have you all here in my life to be there. Some of you I talk with every day so you know more of what is going on, some of you I only have to talk to you every so often but it doesnt make a difference because the bond is so strong that is all we have to do. But the point is, I have you and your friendship and support. Something that you have given me to make me, well, me.

So, while I am freaking out inside I am composed on the outside and keep that smile on my face. You help me keep that smile on my face and I thank you.

You may have to listen to me whine and bitch a bit more but soon things will smooth out.

All of you AMAZING, WONDERFUL, INSPIRING, LOVING, TRUE, friends… Thank you. I love and cherish you all very much

Im so sick of getting taken advantage of and WHEN THE HELL IS IT MY TURN?

I get shit on at work when Ive made more efforts than any other door girl would THINK of making, I get my job threated because I tell the big guy I cannot work Sundays after Ive said that for MONTHS, and you expect me to just sit there and take it like a little bitch? FUCK YOU. Obviously you think Im a door mat and you can walk all over me like every other person that has no backbone…. Yeah, about that…… WRONG PERSON.

Couch is broken, carpet needs to be replaced, I have no means to de-clutter and it is an OCD nightmare.

So now bills are unpaid, jobs are no where to be found, and I officially am at my breaking point. I stay in bed until last minute and just try to sleep away as much as possible. It doesnt work well but at least my day is shorter. God I need a day job….

How do people do it? I have to pop a fucking kid out to get food stamps and govt checks?!?! Really? Id rather shoot myself….

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkk

I am seriously ready to freak the fuck out